"TATOR' STORY _

You know that all potatoes have
eyes. Mr. And Mrs. Potato had
eyes for each other, and finally got
married. The following year, they
had a little sweet potato, whom
they called Yam.
Of course, they wanted the best
for Yam. When it was time, they
told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out
and getting half-baked, so she
wouldn't get accidentally mashed
and get a bad name for herself
like "Hot Potato," and end up with
a bunch of tater tots.
Yam said not to worry, no spud
would get her into the sack and
make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand, she wouldn't
stay home and become a couch
potato either. She would get
plenty of exercise so as not to be
skinny like her shoe string cousins.
When she went off to Europe,
Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to
watch out for the hard boiled guys
in Ireland, and the greasy guys
from France called French fries.
When she went out west, they
told her to watch out for Indians so
she wouldn't get scalloped. Yam
said she would stay on the straight
and narrow and wouldn't associate
with those high class Yukon Golds,
or the ones from the other side of
the tracks who advertise their trade
on all the trucks that say, 'Frito
Lay."
Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to
Idaho P.U. (that's Potato Universi
ty), so that when she graduated
she;d really be in the chips.
When Yam graduated, she went
off to the big city of New York. Mr: and
Mrs. Tator continued to guide
their daughter. But in spite of all
they did for her, one day Yam
came hone and announced she
was going to marry Tom Brokaw!
"Tom Brokaw!" Yams' parents
exclaimed!
Oh my, Mr. and Mrs. Potato were
very upset at this announcement.
They told Yam she just couldn't
possibly marry Tom Brokaw because
he was just... .....
Are you ready for this?
A Common Tater!

I DON'T CARE
"Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001? Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from our nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania?Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was desecrated when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet? Well, I don't. I don't care at all.I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia.I'll care when Abu Musab alZarqawi tells the world he is sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling, slashed throat.I'll care when the cowardly so called "insurgents" in Iraq come out
and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave Marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care.When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college hazing incident, rest assured that I don't care.When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move, because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank that I don't care.When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed "special" food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being "mishandled," You can absolutelv believe in vour heart of hearts that I don't care. And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled "Koran" and other times "Quaran." Well, Jimmy Cracked Corn and --you got it. I DON't care.But here is what I do care about and believe: That after learning about how Zacarias Moussaoui burst out laughing during 9/11 death penalty trial when Rudolph Guiliani was describing the horrors that he wittnessed that day, this creep Moussaoui should be taken out into the woods and have his genitals nailed to a stump and then pushed over backwards after he is beheaded. Signed Zarc

A STORY FROM BARBARA WALTERS Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul,Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.She noted that the women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands. She recently returned toKabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.From Ms. Walters vantage point,despite the overthrow of the oppressiveTaliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the old custom.Ms. Walters approached one ofthe Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"The women looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes and without hesitation, said "Land mines."Moral: Behind every man is a smart woman.